never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
