He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
