just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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