ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
