just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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