My cat gives me a boner
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
