I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
