remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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