I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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