i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize