I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
