Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
