I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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