yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
