GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
