Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
