I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
