ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
