Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
