Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5

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  (850): I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5 http://tfl.nu/td44
  Replies (58) Good night (703) Bad night (4725)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee

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  (917): Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee http://tfl.nu/mgtx
  Replies (8) Good night (4963) Bad night (767)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.

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  (903): I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/07kh
  Replies (7) Good night (1146) Bad night (3295)
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  (530): View more from California

  she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.

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  (530): she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new. http://tfl.nu/z10i
  Replies (6) Good night (2978) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.

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  (315): He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any. http://tfl.nu/g0ay
  Replies (5) Good night (535) Bad night (2223)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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  (806): Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk. (1-806): Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess. http://tfl.nu/c175
  Replies (15) Good night (2486) Bad night (1086)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?

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  (845): Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do? http://tfl.nu/0iqf
  Replies (5) Good night (690) Bad night (1043)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?

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  (416): I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS? http://tfl.nu/n2hz
  Replies (11) Good night (2267) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."

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  (860): I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off." http://tfl.nu/975o
  Replies (8) Good night (1513) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  . Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.

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  (615): . Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this. http://tfl.nu/oczw
  Replies (6) Good night (1259) Bad night (364)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair

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  (712): On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair http://tfl.nu/1z3p
  Replies (4) Good night (1080) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......

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  (586): Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet...... http://tfl.nu/yh71
  Replies (3) Good night (262) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!

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  (309): WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/237p
  Replies (4) Good night (692) Bad night (158)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.

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  (269): I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest. http://tfl.nu/z8nn
  Replies (2) Good night (484) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers

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  (509): Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers http://tfl.nu/a1f6
  Replies (2) Good night (396) Bad night (166)

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