checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
