you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
