dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
