That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
