And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.