i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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