Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
