arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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