Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
