we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
