I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
