She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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