I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
