so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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