I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
