Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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