Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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