I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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