Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
