How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
