so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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