i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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