on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
