You can't motorboat a personality
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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