Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
