Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
