I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He shit in the fireplace
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
