??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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