You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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