I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
