Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
