nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
