WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
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