he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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