we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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