bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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