plz talk dirty to me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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