We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
