why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
