I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
