i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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