you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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