I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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