i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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