I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
