Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
