Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
