Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
