Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize