We named our party play list daddy issues
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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