Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
