dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
