I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
