i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if only i could text you this smell
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
