I am midnight drunk by noon
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
