my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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