I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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