now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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