I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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