Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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