Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
