there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
