im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
