i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
